Feminist Raised as Only Child by Single Mother Says She Knows Exactly How Men Think

EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — Despite having only had two boyfriends in her lifetime, the longest for a span of eleven months, a Eugene woman is touting her expertise on the machinations and mental processes of the entirety of the male gender, Brimborion News reported Monday.

Brought up to believe strongly in feminist values by her mother, particularly those of the Third Wave, Oceanspray Forster, 29, blogs daily about phallocentrism, clitoris envy (otherwise known as ‘micropenis-envy’), male obsession with the “money shot,” and what she perceives as the primary source of Western civilization’s regression and downfall: women who do, and argue in support of, whatever men tell them to do, something she terms “Matrixrchical Patriyrchy.” She’s even in the process of writing a book she hopes to one day self-publish.

“This is hands-down a male-dominated society,” said Forster, “and everything that has pretty much befallen Womynkind since the dawn of Womyn has been the result, directly, indirectly or monotheistically, of men.” [editor’s note: Ms. Forster asked to proofread the final draft of this story before publication, to ensure gender-proper spelling and capitalization.]

On the topic of her own personal experience with men, however, she has far less to discuss. “I’ve had boyfriends, yes. A couple. I don’t need to have dated a ton to understand what goes on in a man’s head on a daily basis. It’s all over the internet, and well documented in feminist literature, dating back to the 19th century.”

“My father left my mother when I was three, because he said he just couldn’t be around her ‘nagging’ and ‘female bullshit’ anymore,” she stated with air quotes. “My mother instilled in me a sense of female identity, and taught me about the intersectional intersexuality that exists between all living things, and that men only exist in this world to sever that bond. She also taught me I could grow up to think anyway I chose. I wasn’t planning on becoming a feminist, but I chose to the day I was walking down the street and a car full of guys followed me for half a block, complimenting me on my hair, figure and wardrobe. It was absolutely degrading.”