Gutterpunk Ostracized for Buying Halter Top at Nordstrom Rack


EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — A woman was spotted walking out of Nordstrom Rack with a pink halter top Thursday, according to sources. Dareena Kahl, 24, entered by the southern entrance of the building, but decided to exit through the eastern doors, in view of the Old Navy just next door. That was where she was spotted by 19 year-old Fiona Reeves, who works as a brand associate at the retailer.

“I thought it was her,” Reeves told Brimborion News. “But I couldn’t believe it. She looked so different. Her tattoos were all covered up, and she had these drunken soccer mom sunglasses that were totally out of character.”

On her break, Reeves texted her older sister, a close friend of Kahl’s, to describe what she had seen. Later that evening, her sister and a closely-knit group of friends, all self-described “gutterpunks,” decided to hold an intervention for Kahl, which quickly devolved into shouting, name-calling, and even some hair pulling.

“F— those c—s,” a red-faced and sweating Kahl said outside, after the meeting. “They think they’re cooler than everybody because they wear the uniform and listen to that kind of music. It doesn’t make you cooler, it makes you an elitist piece of sh–. F—ing bullsh–! I’ve seen you cry like a bitch when your daddy told you you couldn’t stay with him and his new wife in Palos Verdes last summer, Tera Lyn. I’ve seen you make up a playlist of all Ed Sheeran on Spotify! Military boots and f—ing neckerchiefs…please! Hey, maybe I hate earth tones, huh? Maybe I like pink! Huh? Maybe I like pink! Maybe I like halter tops! Maybe I wanna get in touch more with my feminine side and stop being so butch! It’s okay to just be into dudes, Tera Lyn! You don’t fight the patriarchy by being bi-sexual, Tera Lyn! We all know you do it just to piss off your parents, anyway!”