Illegal Pot Dealers Look to Form Union, Face Opposition from Police, Actual Unions


EUGENE, Ore. (BN) – In 1973, the state of Oregon became the nation’s first to deem possession of a “lid” of marijuana (i.e. “four fingers,” or about an ounce) a mere violation, and no longer a crime.  And though the state passed a measure to fully decriminalize the devil’s lettuce as far back as 1996, and was one of four states to legalize the veritable dank for medical use two years later, it wasn’t until 2017 that the recreational right to get mad skrizzed became fully legal, and, thus, the state found itself inundated with commercial dispensaries, shelling out the stickiest of the state’s ickies to consumers 21 and over.  Today, no other state has more dispensaries, per capita. 

But people have always found ways to grown their own here.  And today, that same demographic is looking to push back against an industry they feel is commercializing and infringing upon their ability to just get f—ing toasted without having to deal with or get hassled by the man.  

In July of 2022, some decided to file a petition to unionize. 

Which “completely and totally backfired,” said Noah Tallgrimson, spokesperson for the defunct organization, G.O.N.J., in an interview conducted with Brimborion News.  “There was no payroll, no establishment of enterprise with the state.  Half these guys didn’t even have jobs.  Anywhere.  And they didn’t give their petition to the NLRB, after they got the signatures.  They took it to the mayor’s office.  Who then handed it over to the chief of police.  And the NRLB, who then gave it to all the real unions in town, who then started this high-profile PR campaign to nip the whole thing in the bud.  No pun intended.”

Afterwards, G.O.N.J.’s “offices” were raided, and several petitioners were arrested and charged with cultivation of more than 8 plants for the purpose of receiving compensation.  And, because the offices were down the block from an elementary school, the penalties increased nearly fourfold.

“It was just the basement of one of the guy’s parents’ house, the dude who first got the idea,” Tallgrimson said.  “That’s where he was living, and everybody would go over there to get ripped.  I don’t think he even got permission to put his parents’ address down.  They were super pissed.

“They might’ve even been the ones who ratted everybody out.”

As for now, plans to unionize are on hold, as organizers and leaders are now looking at sentences of up to 20 years, and several hundred thousand dollars in fines.

“I told them they couldn’t unionize if they were doing something illegal.  They wouldn’t be a union, they’d be the mafia.  But nobody listened.  Now, the city’s got a list of everyone who signed the petition, and everyone they haven’t busted is on the cops’ radar.  I mean, even more than they used to be.

“By the way, how did you get my name, again?”