Man Makes Millions Selling Gluten-Free Ice Cream, Decides to Become Spiritual Guru

EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — Former entrepreneur and founder of Gerry & Sola’s Gluten Free Coconut Ice Cream Gerry Shinkowitz announced on Twitter this week that he has decided to rebrand himself as a spiritual guru, Brimborion News is reporting.  The decision came Sunday, posted to his more than 30,0000 followers, and follows a year of agonizing self-introspection and meditation in his thatch-and-marble sanctuary, built just after selling his famous brand to transnational mega-conglomerate Mondelez.

“Hey Guys,” the watershed tweet begins, “after months of long, introspective days and nights in the Parinirvana Sanctuary and Zen garden here at the compound, I believe I’ve been vouchsafed a direct message from the Spiritual.  With it, I’ve decided to put my corporeal inhibitions aside and spread the message that, while many of us fear our fear, and fear the unknown, which makes us more afraid of our fear, and then fear that fearing of the fear, we are all psychically intertwined, including the fear, and that the natural evolution of humankind towards empathy, kindness, connection and understanding drives us all toward a more empathetic and honest relationship with one another.  I will henceforth be opening the sanctuary to workshops, immersions, retreats and individual sessions with hand-selected instructors, allowing students to explore authenticity, curiosity and further alignment with their world visions, and allowing them to become the most authentic, actualized versions of themselves they seek to be.  Namaste.”

After a decade of churning out his delicious, coconut-based desserts, and millions of dollars of profit later—and after a failed attempt at running for city council—Mr. Shinkowitz decided to sell his brand off for even more millions and build his sanctuary. And though he still retains a seat on the board of directors at his namesake company, Mr. Shinkowitz tweeted that he had renounced all personal investments in the material world, claiming that all remaining, material-based assets were merely everyday necessities to provide him with what he needed to continue his life’s work.

“Mr. Shinkowitz has been deeply committed to personal growth and the sustained and sustainable growth of the community,” Cherrity Fondue, a spokesperson for Mr. Shinkowitz, said.  “The decision to become a spiritual guru aligns perfectly with those values.  We thank everyone who’s supported Gerry & Sola’s over the years, and we hope to see you all at Paranirvana Sanctuary when classes begin this fall.”

Asked just how many material-based assets he was retaining, and where his net worth stood after the sale of Gerry & Sola’s, Ms. Fondue replied, “You sound like you need to take a class to explore that curiosity further.  Registration for fall classes can be found at”