Man Picks Up That Stupid, Ugly Box Guitar from The ’80s, Decides to Start Prog Rock Band

EUGENE, Ore. (BN) – Walking into a pawnshop on Franklin Blvd. in Glenwood, Jeremy Holsby recalls something on the far wall instantly calling out to him. Like a messianic vision, he says, he was drawn toward its aura, spellbound by its presence. There, among second-rate guitars by Harmony, Squire and Ibanez, hung a 1984 Steinberger GL-2 electric, distinctly known for its small, rectangular, graphite/carbon-fiber body, and lack of a head.

“You ever have one of those moments where, like, you meet your soulmate?” Holsby, 27, said. “Like, your life up to now has led you specifically to this point? I mean, I love my girlfriend and all, but she’s not this torch-bearer of a generation, this symbolic icon of rock culture, of progressive rock, man—the most complex form of music ever constructed—that is the GL-2.”

While it is arguable that the complexities of meter and harmony found in progressive rock are, in fact, superlative to other forms of music—or even original—Holsby nonetheless threw himself into research of the genre. Shortly after purchasing the guitar, he began to frequent even more pawn shops and record stores, buying every categorical album he could find to satisfy his tastes.

He even watched a lot of videos on YouTube.

“Remember, remember that video from ‘There’s Something About You’?” Holsby said. “With the guy dressed like a clown? Their guitarist played one. And the guy who played for Genesis, he played one. And Eddie Van Halen played one on 5150! And that chick who sang in Rush played one, too, I think. All the greatest prog rock bands had one of these in their band.”

“He won’t stop with this,” said close friend Nick Reygarson. “All he does is talk about, like, Pink Floyd, Rush, and a bunch of other bands that nobody listens to unless they’re completely stoned or totally f—ing pretentious. I’ve started to ignore his texts, because all he does is talk about some new fact he learned about some band that’s been split up for, like, 40 years.”

“This thing is the!” said Holsby, holding up the guitar. “It’s so easy to play. And it has this TransTrem piece here, which acts like a capo? You can instantly change keys on the fly. It’s so awesome.”

His newfound fervor has led him to seek out other members for a progressive rock band in Eugene. “I’ve got an ad up on Craigslist, putting the feelers out, seeing if anyone else wants to get in on this. I think prog rock is about to make a huge comeback. Here, you want to hear me play the opening from Tom Sawyer?”

“That thing is so ugly,” said his girlfriend, Tanja MacLean. “I can’t even look at it when I’m over. I saw it and was like, ‘Where’s the rest of it?’ I thought he only bought half a guitar. He honestly spends more time with it now than he does with me. It’s pretty pathetic.

“Plus, I don’t know why he suddenly wants to be in a band,” she added. “Musicians in this town get paid in beer sometimes.”

“It is pretty stupid looking,” confirmed Reygarson. “I mean, there’s a reason you don’t see people with mullets walking out of Supercuts anymore, you know?”