Mild-Mannered Teen Boys remain Strikingly Mild-Mannered after Arrival of Girl


EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — The mood and energy did not significantly shift among four male teens upon the arrival of a fifth who brought with him his alleged new girlfriend, witnesses told Brimborion News on Thursday.

The teens, who had been scrolling through their phones, drinking energy drinks and talking about video games outside Taco Bell, seemed to show no noticeable desire to impress the girl, or to one-up one another in a primal display for male dominance. 

“It was weird,” said Taco Bell employee Antonio Lopez.  “Where I grew up, whenever you had a group of teenage dudes around some girl, they’d start jumping around like chimps, acting like f—ing jackals.  I know I did.  And the increase was exponential, the more girls you added on.”

“In Eugene, it’s different.  I don’t understand it, but, hell, it’s nicer than the alternative. 

Pacific Northwesterners are known for their laid-back lifestyle, their ‘no-worries’ attitude about life’s issues and their ability to eschew or operate outside of stereotypical behaviors and otherwise commonly-accepted appearances and societal norms.

“From Seattle to Portland and down into Mendocino and Humboldt counties, research has shown that a lot of young people—late teens, twentysomethings—aren’t conforming to what society and others thinks they ‘should’ be doing—things like getting a job, starting a family, becoming an ‘adult’,” Portland State University sociologist Darren Wenders said. “And that includes the early-stage courting rituals we traditionally see in young boys and girls.”

“Are teen boys supposed to behave differently around girls?” asked lifelong Eugene resident and bachelor Zakary Ignatius, 56.  “I’ve never heard that before.  I’ve always just been myself, and enjoyed the time I’ve spent with them.”

“You really don’t want to have to curb stomp somebody just for being a jackal-chimp,” said Taco Bell employee Lopez.  “It’s human nature, I get it.  Still, sometimes if they get too rowdy, you got to bring the stomp down.  Here, there’s none of that.  It’s kind of nice.”