Hey, Neighbor! How’s it going? Heading out for a weekend trip? Can you believe these gas prices still? Thanks a lot, Sleepy Joe, am I right? Like I always say, if a Republican were president, you know gas would be, like, five dollars a gallon cheaper. Well, because Republicans always lower gas prices. It’s, like, in their code. Taxes, too. At least, the savings eventually will trickle down to me, starting up top. But if I were really rich, I’d want it to start with me, too. I mean, pretty sure I will be, one day. Got this great idea for a business. Door-to-door nuts and bolts. Like Home Depot, just…nuts and bolts. Right to your door! Just need some funding. You know anyone? I’m talking to some angel investors I met online, but I could use some more. They seem legit, yeah. Met them on LinkedIn. They’re in Quatar? I think? A lot of money over there—oil money. Their English isn’t all that great, and they contacted me before I said anything about my idea. Or introduced myself, even. But they seem legit.
Maybe gas prices would be lower if Joe Brandon would just do his job, and stick to working for the American people. All this stuff—aid. Other countries getting my money. What’s up with that? All he needs to do is lower my taxes, lower gas prices, not have me dip into my retirement, not make baby food disappear, and stop making stuff at the Wal-Mart so expensive. Is that so hard?
Speaking of all the Sleepy Joes in Washington, why don’t those idiots in Congress get back to work? I have to work. If I fight with people in my job, they make me sit down with HR. Or they can my ass. You know, I really don’t care who they have in there, just so’s they git ‘er done. Move it forward. Put it in the pipeline. Take it to the next level. I mean, whoever this new guy is sounds fine to me. Jordan somebody. Oh, it’s someone else now? I don’t really pay that much attention. A little too busy with my startup. But if he is a Trump supporter or a liar or a bully or unable to get along with his co-workers—someone needs to get in there to get them all back to work. Teamwork makes the dream work. Though it would be fine if whoever’s in there keeps fighting with the other team. That’ll teach ‘em to…you know, not dream like me. They just need to go on a deep dive, re-invent the wheel, circle back and grab that low-hanging fruit, you know?
You like that? I bought a book on corporate phrases recently. Been brushing up for when my startup goes gangbusters. Gets bought out by the Meta Google Incorporated.
Hey, you didn’t get vaxxed, did you? Ohhh, you did. That’s too bad. I mean, no offense. That’s fine. But now you got graphene oxide in your bloodstream. Yeah. The government can…listen in and…mind control. Mind control, dude. Mind control. If you start getting light headed, don’t go to a doctor, come talk to me. I got a friend who knows how to deoxidize and purify your blood. You don’t want to trust Big Pharma with your health.
Yeah, see, you don’t hear about that stuff because all we’re hearing about now is the war in Israel. Like, I don’t know what preceded it, terrorists killing babies and stuff. Alls I know is the Israelites were just minding their own business, not doing nothing to nobody, and then they get attacked. Probably because Christianity is the one true religion. Wait, they’re not Christian? They don’t like Christians? They persecuted Jesus in the Bible? Well, that doesn’t sound right. Most of the Christians are Arabs over there? Are you sure about that? Then there’s gotta be a good reason why they’re attacked so much. Maybe it’s because they’re so good. ‘Why does everyone hate them when they’re so good?’ Remember that? I think that was Joseph Goebbels. Or George Bush, maybe. I forget.
Well, they have to be stopped. Maybe social media censoring Palestinians, Big News skewing all the news in favor of Israel, Joe Biden doubting the body count reported by Hamas, that Israeli politician implying everyone in Palestine deserves a slow, unforgiving death, and Russia wanting to disband university groups down there because they support terrorism will teach them. Russia? Did I say Russia? I meant Florida. I didn’t see any evidence, but are we splitting hairs here, dude? All Palestinians = terrorists. Like all Muslims = terrorists. Just like all Russians = Commies. Or is it the Chinese? But they got some capitalism over there, so now they’re okay. But Venezuelans. Cubans. Who else? Like all them queers = my child growin’ up queer. Nicaraguans. Huh? They’re the enemy now, right? North Korea. What else? I mean, whatever they say in my favorite news and the mouth of my most trusted politicians—it’s gotta be true.
Because what is then, you know? Wal-Mart, and 50% off at the Harbor Freight, as far as I’m concerned. And church. It is what it is. Try that in a small town. Anyway, I wanted to ask—any chance I could borrow your Netflix account? Just wanted to see one episode of this show I’ve been hearing a ton about. I won’t use it for anything else, I swear. So. Oh, they’re cracking down? That’s fine then. That’s cool.
Take it easy.