The Art of the Abandoned Vehicle

I myself learned to drive stick in Portland on a 1990 Plymouth Laser, aqua green with pink detailing and sparkles, spray-painted gold wheels, no muffler and a semi-malfunctioning fuel injection system.  Paid $575 for it in 2006, which, adjusted for inflation today, would probably come out to around $300...

woman in white dress shirt holding white textile

Self-Pleasure in the Time of COVID-19

Two months before the coronavirus pandemic blew up in the U.S., I got transferred to the graveyard shift at my job. Which meant that, for starters, unlike the coronavirus itself, the curve for my dating life was seriously about to flatten. My casual sex life, however, like the number of idiots watching FOX News who didn’t believe COVID-19 was a real thing, was about to go through the roof...

#11. Thou Shalt Not Be Inconvenienced ere Thy Neighbor Beareth the Brunt of Thy Inconvenience, Forthwith

You can maybe get where I’m going to go with this. Depending on how good your King James English is. Mine’s terrible. I grew up in the inner city of Philadelphia, where they forced every kid in the 2nd and 3rd grade to take Latin. So, of course, back then I was like, “Bitchin’! Not only will I be able to decipher the Bible, but one day I’m gonna get a job as Secretary of the C.H.U.D. for the Philly branch of the Latin Kings...