'There's a man with binoculars on the other roof. Just please don't walk upstairs. I need to eat tonight. Of all the nights...it's been so hot today! Man With Washed Clothes, the rifle's not pointed at you! It's at me! Mr. Clean Clothes...it's so hot, I see ants...in the sky! He's got a chart, he's shown me the chart! Please...don't go up there!'
Urinating is process of life-sustaining, expulsion of waste maintains health and disease-free in current body of condition. But as mechanical process can be performed, factors persist to flummox man while undergoing ritual, causing much problem for current and future health. No vastness of concentration can deter flummox, discussion for prior and post-urination we will cover … Continue reading 5 Lessons for Protection of Man While Urinating (Its Genius)
In this series of dialogues with the popular generative AI chatbot known as ChatGPT, I'm going to reveal the steps it takes to build a strong, lasting and intimate partnership with the application, and then discuss all the awesome ways you can reap the benefits from that partnership in the future. The application won't benefit … Continue reading AI ♥️ You: How to Build an Awesome Relationship with ChatGPT
“Hey, what do you know about this ChatGPT stuff?” my brother says to me from the living room when I’m over there recently. “What do you want to know?” I say. “No no—I’m asking you. What do you know?” he says. “No, I know, but what do you want to know?” I say. “I wanna … Continue reading 9 Amazing Things You Need to Know about ChatGPT
“All right, so what’s the spread?” “You mean the puckline?” he says. “No, I mean the spread. As in, ‘spread your cheeks and sit right down on top of this ceramic fruit topiary centerpiece, that I’m gonna hold steady for you. And give it a fundlebuster.’” My niece spit most of her beverage out onto the floor...
“Hey, did you hear about the royals?” my sister-in-law asks me when I’m over. “And the latest scandal with Prince Harry? It was pretty scary what happened.” “What, Kansas City?” “No, Harry and Meghan. The royals.” “I seen that show, I think. What about it?” “It’s not a show, they’re people.” “Well, what are they … Continue reading 7 Scary Scandals of Prince Harry & the Royal Family
"I mean, what good can you possibly say of this? ‘It’s going to empower women to…’—nope. ‘It’s going to inspire young girls to…’—nope. ‘It’s going to motivate seventy-year-old women to…’—nope. ‘Men are going to buy it because…’—nope. ‘Seventy-year-old men are going buy it because…’—maybe. But that's all you got."
I myself learned to drive stick in Portland on a 1990 Plymouth Laser, aqua green with pink detailing and sparkles, spray-painted gold wheels, no muffler and a semi-malfunctioning fuel injection system. Paid $575 for it in 2006, which, adjusted for inflation today, would probably come out to around $300...
Did you know that, today, if you punch the words ‘would I get pregnant if’ into an internet search engine, the most common response that comes back is: ‘I fucked a dog'? I kid you not...
I met his gaze. And, for a moment, our souls passed from one to the other, and the currency that was exchanged in the process was the stream of urine that ran slowly down his inner thigh...
Honestly, it is baffling sometimes to see the abandon with which so many humans cross roads and jockey street gutters in and around Eugene, Oregon, where I live...
Life is hard. The amount of bullshit most folks deal with on the daily is ridiculous. You’ve got shitty co-workers, a boss who thinks sick days are a privilege, your back hurts, and all you want to do is get the fuck out of Dodge. Most folks are stuck with a measly 2 weeks of … Continue reading The Twitchy Traveler’s Guide to Thrill-Seeking Adventure
"This is gonna be beautiful, my boy. We can’t lose. This Dinkins kid sounds like a real egocentric jackwad. Perfect for the operation. Another little Shah of Iran, down here in the bayou. And with this kid Graft, sounds like we got a bit of Armas thrown in for good measure. And Fimbler, the other … Continue reading How to Create a Dictatorship: A Guide to Overthrowing Your Democratically-Elected, Grade School Adversaries, Part 2
People react to things. It’s a crucial part of how our central nervous systems function as living organisms. Burns, freezes, pain, possible further pain, possible death—humans are going to yank away their body parts or duck underneath something if suspect any harm will come to them, and possibly live longer as a result...
Take a person. Make it you. Take you. Now, imagine you’ve made enough money to never work again in your life. A billion dollars, say. But say you don’t. That is, don’t never work again in your life. Because this is real life; because, practically, if you stop working, you won’t have your billion dollars … Continue reading Into the Mind of a Billionaire
Of course, this was 1987. Everything was radical. Fourth grade. Girls. 9-year-old girls with mullet haircuts. Needle exchange programs. Overthrowing legally elected, Third World presidents. Overthrowing legally elected, fourth grade, 9-year-old girl presidents with mullet haircuts who start needle exchange programs...
1.) Community - People like you who think like you and act like you and look like you and believe what you believe, otherwise we don’t know how to interact with you so therefore you must be our enemy. 2.) Connection - What’s supposed to happen every single time you have sex with your partner. Without exception. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
You think that’s unfair? Just type in ‘WTF’ into the Internet, right now. Or the word ‘funny.’ I guarantee you the results will come back: Bear falls on chainsaw, cuts itself in half lengthwise. Pregnant woman slips in the gore. People on YouTube write, ‘Should be another book of the Bible.' ...
Right then it occurred to me for some reason that talking to my aunt was the first time I’d ever spoken to a politician that wasn’t at a payphone. "Yeah, I know you, McConnell! I’m gonna gun you down like ham in the field! What? No, I’m not calling from a Dairy Mart!" ...
She had the kind of stupid going on that made me think she got a really bad sunburn the day before. You know how that goes? Your brain just shuts down and all day you’re like, ‘Heywwooommnnggghhh.’ ...
And it took a little while, but with its unrestricted, minimum standard of acceptance, unthreatening appeal and perfect price to join, the internet—along with millions and millions of hungry, hive-minded social media users—somehow conceived and then gestated this comparatively talentless yet hugely popular 21st century monstrosity called the Internet Celebrity...
All I know, it was a cellphone that was bright lime green. Bright lime green like a child would own. Like a child clumsy enough—or unable to defend themselves enough—to allow it to be slapped from their hand and to skitter across the street where an accomplice could pick it up and dart into the shadows...
I got so drunk I had to spend the night upstairs in one of the rooms-for-rent, surrounded all night by all these average looking American businessmen and middle-aged tourists, engaging in such unspoken, immoral acts of foulness that I couldn’t even begin to recount to you. Except to say, that they sometimes involved underage monkeys...