EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — A woman was spotted walking out of Nordstrom Rack after purchasing a pink halter top, sources told Brimborion News. Dareena Kahl, 24, entered by the southern entrance of the building, but decided to exit through the east doors, in view of the Old Navy next door. That was where she was … Continue reading Gutterpunk Ostracized for Buying Halter Top at Nordstrom Rack
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — A university student was shocked Sunday to gaze out his kitchen window and find a loveseat, rattan papasan chair, coffee table and other assorted furniture being used by the squatters residing behind his apartment complex. “It’s definitely nicer sh– than mine,” Matthew Gofeld, 23, told Brimborion News. He said there’s been … Continue reading Student Looks Out Window, Notices Homeless Living Behind His Fence Have Nicer Furniture Than He Does
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — A Bay Area man returned to the Whiteaker neighborhood apartment he’s been renting since 1995 for the first time in 24 years, sources told Brimborion News on Tuesday. “Man, I haven’t been back in forever,” Azrael Skreed, 47, said from his moldy-smelling living room sofa. “I dropped out of ASU, decided … Continue reading Trust Fund Kid, Now Man, Returns to the Apartment He’s Still Renting in Eugene after 24 years
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) – A married couple were horrified to find themselves within earshot of the microwave that was used to heat up their deli lunch, sources told Brimborion News Monday. Lance and Trudy Pierce, both of Eugene, said they could hear sizzling and crackling, and even a popping sound at one point coming from … Continue reading Couple Forced to Witness Murder of Food’s Vital Energy via Microwave
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — A Eugene man who calls a 1984 Chevy G20 conversion van his home believes he’s the perfect marital catch, he told Brimborion News on Sunday. David Feldspar, 41, said he’s been living in his van for 13 years, parking it continuously at various locations in and around Lane County, and that … Continue reading 41-Year-Old Living in His Van Is Pretty Sure He’s Marrying Material
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — Despite having only had two boyfriends in her lifetime, the longest for a span of nine months, a Eugene woman is touting her expertise on the machinations and mental processes of the entirety of the male gender, Brimborion News is reporting. Brought up to believe strongly in feminist values by her … Continue reading Feminist Raised as Only Child by Single Mother Says She Knows Exactly How Men Think
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — A juvenile goat’s indiscretion led to a woman being unable to go into work this past week, Brimborion News is reporting. Lana Murphy, 25, woke up to find her overalls, which had been left outside all night on a patio chair, covered in vomit. All signs pointed to her pet goat, … Continue reading Goat Vomit Prevents Woman without Washing Machine from Being Able to Wear Only Pair of Overalls
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) – In 1973, Oregon became the nation’s first state to deem possession of a “lid” of marijuana (i.e. “four fingers,” or about an ounce) a mere violation, and no longer a felony. And though the state passed a measure to fully decriminalize the devil’s lettuce as far back as 1996, and was … Continue reading Illegal Pot Dealers Look to Form Union, Face Opposition from Police, Actual Unions
A local cocaine dealer was informed by his competitors Wednesday not to use landscaping as a front for his business, for fear it may bring more heat down on the illegal drug trade, sources told Brimborion News.
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) – A young woman with no interest in taking part in the pornographic film industry decided she had no other options but to move to Eugene, Oregon, Brimborion News discovered recently in an interview with the Southern California native. Cari Weigera, 23, who arrived in town three months ago from Van Nuys, … Continue reading Girl with Face Tattoo Who Won’t Make Porn Decides to Move to Eugene
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — A Midwestern man on a stroll through parts of Eugene alone Saturday wound up being stopped by 11 strangers, he told Brimborion News in an interview. “They were all very friendly,” said Herman Cort, 51, of Bemidji, Minnesota. “We’re in town taking a tour of the university for my son, he’s … Continue reading Man Visits Eugene, Has Conversations with 11 Panhandlers, Doesn’t Even Realize It