“All right, so what’s the spread?” “You mean the puckline?” he says. “No, I mean the spread. As in, ‘spread your cheeks and sit right down on top of this ceramic fruit topiary centerpiece, that I’m gonna hold steady for you. And give it a fundlebuster.’” My niece spit most of her beverage out onto the floor...
My 18-year-old cat got mauled by a dog on Monday, so I don’t want to be d--king around with too much nonsense this week. She’s going to be okay they tell me, eventually, but I’m going to try my best to cut through the crap of important/not-so-important news, because life is short. Especially for a … Continue reading Steam Whistle News Feed – May 26, 2023
“Hey, did you hear about the royals?” my sister-in-law asks me when I’m over. “And the latest scandal with Prince Harry? It was pretty scary what happened.” “What, Kansas City?” “No, Harry and Meghan. The royals.” “I seen that show, I think. What about it?” “It’s not a show, they’re people.” “Well, what are they … Continue reading 7 Scary Scandals of Prince Harry & the Royal Family
"I mean, what good can you possibly say of this? ‘It’s going to empower women to…’—nope. ‘It’s going to inspire young girls to…’—nope. ‘It’s going to motivate seventy-year-old women to…’—nope. ‘Men are going to buy it because…’—nope. ‘Seventy-year-old men are going buy it because…’—maybe. But that's all you got."
I have never seen a Harry Potter film, but I assume they look like they were filmed in Lübeck. It’s got medieval brick buildings, narrow streets, corridors leading to unknown destinations, etc. It’s a LARPer’s wet dream...
…And four more things this week. Maybe five. Or six. I don’t really know how to frame this stuff, to be honest. I think I had something, but then lost it somewhere along the way. To me, the issues represented here are glaring, but to many they're not, and I don’t know how to—nor would … Continue reading Steam Whistle News Feed – April 28, 2023
I myself learned to drive stick in Portland on a 1990 Plymouth Laser, aqua green with pink detailing and sparkles, spray-painted gold wheels, no muffler and a semi-malfunctioning fuel injection system. Paid $575 for it in 2006, which, adjusted for inflation today, would probably come out to around $300...
Just a quick four things this week. Why? Because apparently I’m obligated to fulfill a quota, because I’m paid by people to do a thing, and those people have expectations that maybe are never said outright or defined explicitly or even set down on paper in some form of legally binding contract but nonetheless are … Continue reading Steam Whistle News Feed – April 14, 2023
Did you know that, today, if you punch the words ‘would I get pregnant if’ into an internet search engine, the most common response that comes back is: ‘I fucked a dog'? I kid you not...
There were two equally disturbing things that made the news this week, between which, despite their having occurred thousands of miles from each another, I found a striking and disturbing parallel. The first was the release of video of a young Muslim being gruesomely massacred by security forces in Ouahigouya, the capital of Yatenga Province … Continue reading Steam Whistle News Feed – April 7, 2023
I met his gaze. And, for a moment, our souls passed from one to the other, and the currency that was exchanged in the process was the stream of urine that ran slowly down his inner thigh...
Honestly, it is baffling sometimes to see the abandon with which so many humans cross roads and jockey street gutters in and around Eugene, Oregon, where I live...
Life is hard. The amount of bullshit most folks deal with on the daily is ridiculous. You’ve got shitty co-workers, a boss who thinks sick days are a privilege, your back hurts, and all you want to do is get the fuck out of Dodge. Most folks are stuck with a measly 2 weeks of … Continue reading The Twitchy Traveler’s Guide to Thrill-Seeking Adventure
There’s likely not a worse misstep in publicly shooting-your-mouth-off-when-no-one-asked these days than equating some collective or governing body with the likes of Nazi Germany; the backlash is almost always widespread and forthcoming, regardless of the issue you’re shooting at. I mean, unless the people you’re accusing are actually f---ing Nazis, or something in arguably the … Continue reading The Little-Government, Big Governing Bodies That Could (March 17, 2023)
I was called into the office of my editor the other day, and she told me—my editor, this—that she had been called into the office of her editor, after he had been called into the office of his, after this gentleman (whoever he is) had been called into a meeting with his superior, the CCO, … Continue reading Steam Whistle News Feed – March 10, 2023