I don’t know that there’s ever been a president in history who’s been more of a solved equation than Donald Trump. Historically, most presidents have understood the sanctity and decorum of the office (and, concurrently, the importance of keeping the federal government a mysterious and opaque arm’s length from the public realm), and thus … Continue reading Five-Pump Trump
When I was a kid, the highest future standard anyone my age could be held to by our parents, grandparents, teachers or the mumbling Filipino guy in my neighborhood who handed out cigarettes to 10-year-olds and only didn’t have to register as a sex offender because they didn’t do that back then was that of … Continue reading The Myth of a Successful Person
Hello, citizen! Read the news? Watch the news? Think you know your country pretty well? Well, take the quiz? Start NOW! ANSWER LATER! Prize for know it good! The tax bill that passed in 2017 was a regressive tax bill. Yes No I don’t know Who cares? Owning the Libs is all that matters This … Continue reading Are You a Brainwashed American? Take the Quiz!
Congressional Democrats and Republicans: the mother and father of a random shitty childhood. They fight each other for dominance in their toxic marriage, constantly ignoring their kids in the process. Tell them things like, “Go to your room!” and “Please, the adults are talking!” Sure, they know a lot about lawmaking, which isn’t easy. But … Continue reading You Remember These Dicks from High School?
If Donald Trump will walk away from the White House one day with nothing else to show for his half-assed efforts but a ridiculous East Wing ballroom, a trade war no opponent will have strictly adhered to, his face on Mt. Rushmore or, God forbid, a potential third term, he can at least take pride, … Continue reading Move Over, Communism, Terrorism, Wokeism, Hitler. Now It’s Political!
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) – Stepping into a pawnshop on Franklin Blvd. in Glenwood, Jeremy Holsby recalls something on the far wall instantly calling out to him. Like a messianic vision, he says, he was drawn toward its aura, spellbound by its presence. There, among second-rate guitars by Harmony, Squire and Ibanez, hung a 1984 Steinberger … Continue reading Man Picks Up That Stupid, Ugly Box Guitar, Decides to Start Prog Rock Band
So what did I learn, in the end? Nothing all that profound, really. That there’s this certain culture of people—one in many of the adopted, artificial cultures in America—who live a certain way, with its own set of rules, its adopted language, behaviors and self-righteousness, and use it to make themselves feel like they belong somewhere in this scary world. And I lived among them for a time. Jane Goodall, eat your heart out. ...
So, let’s do a little Cartesian Self experiment: What would happen if we took all that scientists know about science and applied it to the most scientific individuals on Earth—scientists—and how they interact with other scientists in the realm of science, regarding science? ...
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) – A Eugene man seen around town in a red cape, clutching the neck of a children’s guitar, is wistfully concerned that people are starting to put too much faith in his ability to assist citizens in need. Otande Freeman, 25, recently told Brimborion News that he gets stopped several times a … Continue reading Man in Red Cape Holding Small Guitar Wishes People Would Stop Thinking He’s a Superhero Who Plays a Small Guitar
And, though I hate to say it, Donald Trump isn’t a complicated man. I could argue no president in history has so publicly displayed his emotional triggers to an audience of supporters and reporters, so posted temper tantrums on social media to the point of making a ten-year-old question the concept of adulthood and so admittedly based policy decisions on nothing more than “gut feelings” more than he has. The man really is an open book. Even his political MO follows a pattern. Which you can actually read about by opening a book.
The mind is like a medieval castle, and the yard behind its walls can never be penetrated from beyond by screaming hordes of peer-pressuring thoughts, unsubstantiated beliefs or generally bad ideas that were launched from the castle grounds of others. Primed, influenced, hit by a figurative arrow or two—sure. But an unsullied nullipara, the human … Continue reading Behind the Walls of ‘Why’
In case you didn’t catch part 1 of the New Age Paradox, here’s a recap: The New Age Girl, this is what she would say: “I need you to talk about what you’re feeling. But I don’t want the whole story, about what you’re feeling. Don’t talk too much. It’s overwhelming..."
New Age Life Lesson # Whatever: Give the New Age Person everything they need, expect nothing in return, and they will love you unconditionally and your relationship will blossom. While they continue to love everyone else they feel like, too. And give far, far less than what they demand. Well, who the fuck is dumb enough to do that, you may ask? Bottom-feeders. A whole school of them. Which, speaking of, brings me to my men’s group...
Donald Trump is, first and foremost, a businessman. A successful one, even, by some metrics. That he is fundamentally little else has been evident, time and time again, in the by-now thousands of public displays of his political ineptitude and stupidity. But within those laughably insufficient acts of inarticulate buffoonery sit something else, something more … Continue reading America’s Rebranding under the Trump Organization (April 4, 2025)
And after five minutes of trying to flesh the whole thing out, to demonstrate clearly that I was capable of talking about how I felt—to many, many more of her glazed-eye blinkings—she would accuse me, in the end...of talking too much. And of still being angry. Which, of course, would start to make me angry.
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — A cashier at a local co-op who identifies as gender fluid told Brimborion News on Tuesday that they are fed up with the obviously cishet male customers they have to deal with on a daily basis, who expect their groceries to be bagged, or even handed to them after purchase. "I … Continue reading Gender Fluid Cashier Gives Cold Shoulder to Cis Males They’re Forced to Ring Up at Local Co-Op
Generative AI is still in a swaddled infancy. An enfant terrible of the 21st century, you might call it. I won’t, however, because that would probably make it seem like I was complimenting it. “Horrible infant” is better. “Monstrosity in diapers”. “Bull calf in a China shop”. “Freaked out housecat in a China shop”. “Captive … Continue reading Internet, Meet AI. And Let the Downfall of Civilization Begin
And the second the sliding doors open I behold over the loudspeaker a girl’s voice: “Cody, can you come to the register? There’s a guy up here WITH A BOMB AND HE’S GOING TO BLOW US UP IF WE DON’T GIVE HIM OUR MONEY!!!!” I turned back to my girlfriend and told her to run. “Get out of here! Get back to the car!” And what did she do? The same thing she did every time I ever suggested something to her. She fucking argued with me...
The amount of time I’ve spent in Los Angeles is criminally low. I don’t know why, I guess I just haven’t had many reasons to go. Most likely it’s because it is an intimidating city to visit. I’m from Chicago, which is a city made up of neighborhoods. Los Angeles is a city made up … Continue reading 2 Hours in Venice Beach
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — A yoga instructor with no formal background in science has decided to begin incorporating lessons in advanced anatomy and physiology into her classes, sources told Brimborion News on Sunday. Phoenix, 35, the mononymic founder of Rising Sun Yoga in Eugene, was enrolled at Lane Community College for three terms in 2008-2009, … Continue reading College Dropout Yoga Instructor Likes to Give Lessons in Advanced A&P During Her Classes
I work at a residential care facility, and we have a resident there named Jimmy-something. He’s on 24-hour watch. It’s not for suicide or anything like that, it’s more for manslaughterous geronticide in the third degree. Some seventy-five-year-old lady came shuffling down the main hall a few days ago, as an illustration, and without so … Continue reading Ersatz Frankie Avalon, or: Even the Snow Was Freezing Its Ass Off
End of the year/beginning of the year summary here. Overall, nothing’s really changing in the world since the last. Developed societies progress as their largest industries secure more commodities, obtain more investor capital, use more taxpayer money to fund that society’s pharmaceutical, military, technological, travel or agricultural advancements, and history gets left in the dust, … Continue reading Steam Whistle News Feed – January 3, 2025
When reporting something in the news, there exists, to the journalist doing the reporting, both the benefit of hindsight and the ability, based on their research, to surmise where and to what end the topic may lead. Journalistic research not only yields context to both an audience and author, but a greater understanding of a … Continue reading The Single-Blindedness of Political Reporting
Pretend the [news] incident is a scuffle between two kids on a grade school playground. And you, the reader, are the principal. You were first told about the fight from another teacher, and everyone who’s described it to you since is a friend of either one fighter or the other. How do you figure out what really happened? ...
More people need to be skeptical. I mean intelligent skeptical, not flat-out denying stuff they don’t want to believe. It’s not something any of us are taught at the elementary or secondary levels here in America, unfortunately. In college, depending on what you study, you’ll likely acquire a healthy dose of it, but it’ll also … Continue reading Grifter Spotting 101
I really don’t know if I’m going to be saying anything new here. But I’ll give it a shot. Because you may already have access to a television or the internet, and may already have heard that Donald Trump won the U.S. presidency again, despite the collective rationale of many millions all over the world … Continue reading You Want to Know Why? I’ll Tell You Why
EUGENE, Ore. (BN) – A man owning a dog he allegedly stole, or acquired from someone who stole it originally, has decided to help search for a lost dog in his neighborhood, sources told Brimborion News. Damian Henderson, 48, said he chose to take part in the effort to locate the missing ‘Mr. Jimson’ out … Continue reading Man with Stolen Dog Helps Neighborhood Search for Other Stolen Dog
Community People like you who think like you and act like you and look like you and believe what you believe, otherwise we don’t know how to interact with you so therefore you must be our enemy. Connection What’s supposed to happen every single time you have sex with your partner. Without exception. Every. Single. … Continue reading Glossary of New Age Terms for the Hopelessly (or Even Moderately) Conventional
“The world is so polar today. Culture Wars are everywhere! People are screaming at one another online, and I just want things to go back to the way they used to be.” Oh, do you? No no, I’m asking: Do you? You want things to go back to the way they were, say. Say you … Continue reading This Is America. Like It or Not
Yee-haw kids! Time to go over yonder into them thar hills and tell ye a tale about the rootinest, tootinest city west of the mighty Mississippi: Deadwood, South Dakota! That was exhausting and I apologize. I was booked to speak to a bunch of high school freshman in Deadwood, the same Deadwood the HBO show … Continue reading Deadwood, South Dakota
I’ll be operating here not on the principle of 100 Things in the Affirmative Prove a Point, but more on the principle of Just 1 Thing to the Contrary Proves It Wrong. It’s that old Nazi scientists vs. Albert Einstein argument. 100 anti-Semites walked into a bar and were asked how many Jews it took … Continue reading Aspects of Anatomy & Physiology That Prove That “Intelligent” Design Really Wasn’t
“Big thing tonight,” I said to my brother. “You watching it?” “You mean the game?” “There’s no game tonight,” my niece says from the couch. “It’s Tuesday.” “Games start on Thursday,” my sister-in-law said from the kitchen. “You lazy, uneducated Americans and your obsession with sports.” “Hey, sports builds character in kids,” my brother said. … Continue reading The Exciting Presidential Debate Skirmish of 2024
“Len, you follow trends, don’t you?” my sister-in-law asks me one day when I’m over. “Kind of. I mean, what are we talking here?” I said. She was in the dining room at the table, and everyone else was in the living room in front of the TV. I was having a beverage in the … Continue reading The Mindfully Demure Brat Summer of 2024
Politico released an analysis this week, after reviewing the cross-tabulation data of almost a dozen polls aiming to find out what key voters are now saying about Kamala Harris and Donald Trump, and the results, they indicated, were “eye-popping.” Whatever that means. Mainly, it pointed to a Kamala Harris surge in popularity. Honestly, a better … Continue reading Steam Whistle News Feed – August 23, 2024