The Brimblogrion

Welcome to The Way of The World

There’s a throwaway scene in the 2019 Romanian documentary Collective, where the country's new Minister of Health is watching a news show on television, and, at a podium, the mayor of Bucharest is denouncing the decision made by the administration to send patients to Vienna for transplant surgeries, and not maintain the patients in Romania … Continue reading Welcome to The Way of The World

Couple Forced to Witness Murder of Food’s Vital Energy via Microwave

EUGENE, Ore. (BN) – A married couple were horrified to find themselves within earshot of the microwave that was used to heat up their deli lunch, sources told Brimborion News Monday. Lance and Trudy Pierce, both of Eugene, said they could hear sizzling and crackling, and even a popping sound at one point coming from … Continue reading Couple Forced to Witness Murder of Food’s Vital Energy via Microwave

The Psychophysical Limitations of a Judeo-Christian Hell

Would you be paddled and taunted by the Founding Fathers dressed up as the Village People?  Would you be paddled and taunted by The Village People dressed up as the Founding Fathers?  Would you be forced to watch the Bader-Meinhoff doing the Riverdance?  Sitting between Ben Franklin, dressed like the hot cop from the Village People, and King George III in a bondage suit, spiked collar and dental dam? Any number of scenarios are likely...

5 Ways to Man Living with Variance Potential for Erectile Power (She Melt When Read This)

According to many culture, erectile power define place for man in society. Also, woman favor man with erection, because firm erection of sexual organ is necessary for propagating child, healthy and blissful. Otherwise, to enter womb, flaccid organ is attempt to hide flat weather balloon in culvert, or stash corpse of snake into bottle to … Continue reading 5 Ways to Man Living with Variance Potential for Erectile Power (She Melt When Read This)

It’s a Public Building, You Can Go Anywhere You Like

'There's a man with binoculars on the other roof.  Just please don't walk upstairs.  I need to eat tonight.  Of all the nights...it's been so hot today!  Man With Washed Clothes, the rifle's not pointed at you!  It's at me!  Mr. Clean Clothes...it's so hot, I see ants...in the sky!  He's got a chart, he's shown me the chart!  Please...don't go up there!'

41-Year-Old Living in His Van Is Pretty Sure He’s Marrying Material

EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — A Eugene man who calls a 1984 Chevy G20 conversion van his home believes he’s the perfect marital catch, he told Brimborion News on Sunday. David Feldspar, 41, said he’s been living in his van for 13 years, parking it continuously at various locations in and around Lane County, and that … Continue reading 41-Year-Old Living in His Van Is Pretty Sure He’s Marrying Material

Lollapalooza Festival Guide

Every August, a plague descends upon the city of Chicago. A plague so wretched, so sickening, so disease-ridden that parts of downtown have to close entirely. Police call in reinforcements and parents pray for the safe return of their children. I am speaking, of course, of Lollapalooza...

The Niger Coup: A Hollywood Film Treatment

In case you were looking for a microcosm of the history of half the entire world dating back, say, the last few hundred years, there’s one example playing out right now in the news over in Africa, in the Republic of Niger. And by the way, it’s pronounced Nee-ZHAYR, not the other way you were … Continue reading The Niger Coup: A Hollywood Film Treatment

Feminist Raised as Only Child by Single Mother Says She Knows Exactly How Men Think

EUGENE, Ore. (BN) — Despite having only had two boyfriends in her lifetime, the longest for a span of nine months, a Eugene woman is touting her expertise on the machinations and mental processes of the entirety of the male gender, Brimborion News is reporting. Brought up to believe strongly in feminist values by her … Continue reading Feminist Raised as Only Child by Single Mother Says She Knows Exactly How Men Think

5 Lessons for Protection of Man While Urinating (Its Genius)

Urinating is process of life-sustaining, expulsion of waste maintains health and disease-free in current body of condition.  But as mechanical process can be performed, factors persist to flummox man while undergoing ritual, causing much problem for current and future health.  No vastness of concentration can deter flummox, discussion for prior and post-urination we will cover … Continue reading 5 Lessons for Protection of Man While Urinating (Its Genius)

The Million-Dollar Truth about Winning the Lottery

“You go talk to those people. Read their stories. People get poisoned, robbed at gunpoint, executed, drugged, stabbed in the back. Literally. We’re talking old school treachery here. They get depressed, commit suicide. Smoke crack. Or just do the dumbest stuff imaginable, like try to become drug traffickers. Or smoke crack..."

Steam Whistle News Feed – July 14, 2023

I know it seems like I’m doomsday picking and preaching these days—that all I want is to talk about the most general and large-scale, worst-case scenario news headlines, and then cynically and half-assedly rattle them in your face like I’m some kind of know-it-all toddler who seems to get his jollies that way. This world … Continue reading Steam Whistle News Feed – July 14, 2023

Uncle Huggy’s Magical World of Bros, Blow & the Hoes Who Blow Bros

But after I got inside and put my stuff down, it finally struck me—like a coked-out getaway driver into a crosswalk full of guys dressed like Santa Claus—why Rory had so many girls still “riding his jock,” to quote a phrase he loved to use...